Being Still opens the door to honoring your  partner.  This process occurs in every  interaction, exchange and dialogue. Honoring your partner occurs when two people do not react to each other,  but can be emotionally separate enough to allow the other to be wholly and  completely themselves while continuing to be connected.

John asked, “Why would she do something like  that?   I would never do that.”   Martha said, ”I just don’t understand. How can he do this to me when I’ve  done so much for him?”  Sandy …”I  just can’t trust him.  I don’t deserve to go through this. I would  never have done this to him.”

One theme runs through these statements.  I would not, have not, could not do this  thing that has been done to me.   This statement assumes you are the reference point for decision-making.  You are the standard for judging others  behavior.  In other words, your way is the way!  NOT!

Are you the center of the universe?  Is your way the way for everybody else on the  planet to function?  I once met a woman  who said, “If everybody was just like me, the world would be  perfect.”   She was serious!  I almost fell  out of my chair.   She was saying that if  everybody was as selfless as she, the world would be a perfect.  Is her statement selfless or selfish?

To determine if you are the Center of the Universe,  ask yourself, “What’s not about me?”  Is  EVERYTHING about you?  How can you honor  another if everything is about you?  You  can’t.  A wife accused her husband, “It’s  all about you.”   He defended himself  until one day he countered with, “And it’s all about you too.”  They both have it half right.  It’s all about them until they awaken to the  fact that it’s not about them at all.   It’s all about Christ in them.

Honoring your Partner recognizes you are not the  point of reference for decision-making.   Neither is the person you are with.   Neither are the two of you together the point of reference.  The one whose frame of reference counts is  The Center of the Universe!  The Partner  you honor first is God.  You are part of  Another’s world and as you line up with this Center you honor this  Partner.   As you honor this Partner, you  will honor each other.  This frees you to  be open, honest, and direct disagreeing with your spouse and completely  accepting him or her at the same time.

Can you disagree with your partner and completely  accept him or her?  On a one to ten  (1-10) scale of acceptance, how high on that scale can you go when you disagree  with your partner?  Are you able to  disagree without becoming angry, hurt, disappointed or even enraged?  Can you disagree and accept your partner  especially when it affects you?

Relationship success occurs as you are able to  completely accept your partner even when you disagree with him or her.  In fact, at your wedding you vowed to accept  your partner for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or  poorer, etc  But how do you accept your  partner even when you disagree without feeling threatened? Your security must  not be in the other person.  When you  consider that Christ faced the greatest adversity in life … death on a cross …  and continued to accept you for you, taking on your failures and sin to restore  you in right standing before God, you then and only then will understand how  it’s all about Him.

Making yourself available to this character in  every choice, thought and action helps you live on a vertical plane instead of  on a horizontal plane bouncing from complying, conforming or compromising to  defying, rebellion and resentment.

Being still and honoring God as God liberates you  from the dependence that causes your raw emotional reactions when you disagree  with your partner builds His character in you.    Honoring your Partner your dependence weakens on others weakens and your  relationship with God strengthens.

Example:

John’s relationship with Sue was formatted by  sex.  John’s thoughts, feelings and  attitudes were determined by whether tonight would be the night.  Sue’s respect for John waned as she came to  believe she captured him sexually.  He  could point to several reasons she “should” want to be with him.  The more he tried to convince her to spend  time with him, the more she resisted.    He didn’t know what to do.

Sue’s determination that John spend time with their  son paralleled John’s focus on sex.   Everything Sue did was focused on John spending time with him.  Her words designed to encourage, discouraged  John.  His love for Sue waned, as he  believed she cared more about their son than him.  They were equally frustrated by each  other.

John, wanted to honor Sue, but didn’t know  how.  Being still and listening to the  character of God in him, he took their son to a football game. He took him  bowling.  He took him  roller-skating.  He took more initiative  than Sue could have imagined, not because of her but because he came to  understand this was his way of loving their son even when he wanted to indulge  himself.

He saw the ugliness of his demands as the parallel  to her demands.  He released her from his  frame of reference and did “what was his to do before God.”  Not in his timing or in his way, Sue  responded to him sexually.  She neither  resented it nor begrudged giving herself to him because she admired his ability  to accept her even when he disagreed with her.   She respected John for being the man he was in Christ.  So how do you accept another when you  disagree?  You start by giving back what  is not yours!  You Do Justice!