Conflict Resolution Worksheet

The Conflict Resolution Worksheet is a tool I’ve used to help couples resolve their differences over the years. It is helpful because it asks both parties to look into possible solutions to differences and assume responsibility for thinking imaginatively about their relationship. Please download the Conflict Resolution Worksheet and become familiar with it before your next disagreement.

Conflict Resolution Worksheet (savable)

CONFLICT RESOLUTION WORKSHEET

Schedule a specific place, date and time to meet within the next week. Allow 30 minutes.
Meeting Place: _____________________________ Date: _________ Time: ________
Select one issue you want to resolve. List the specific issue or problem for discussion below:
Issue: ____________________________________________________________
How do you each contribute to the problem? Without blaming each other, list the things you each do that have not helped to resolve the problem.
My Contribution: _________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________
Your Contribution: _______________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________
List past attempts to resolve the issue that was not successful.
1) ______________________________________________________________
2) _____________________________________________________________
3) _____________________________________________________________
Brainstorm—pool your new ideas and try to attain three possible solutions to the problem. Do not judge or criticize any of the suggestions at this point.
1) _______________________________________________________________
2) ______________________________________________________________
3) ______________________________________________________________
Discus and evaluate each of these possible solutions. Be as objective as you can. Talk about how useful each suggestion might be for resolving issues.
1) _______________________________________________________________
2) _______________________________________________________________
3) _______________________________________________________________
After expressing your thoughts, select one solution you both agree to try. Trial Solution: _________________________________________________________________
Set a place, date and time within the next week to discuss your progress.
Meeting Place: ______________________________ Date: _________ Time: ______

Guidelines for Disagreements provides a few parameters or boundaries to assist couples know how to disagree agreeably.

Guidelines for Disagreements

GUIDELINES FOR DISAGREEMENTS

1. Give views clearly & calmly.
2. Listen to your partner’s views.
3. Avoid name-calling and accusations.
4. Never use physical violence.
5. Talk as adult to adult and do not assume either the role of a parent or counselor.
6. Leave children & relatives out of our problems, either as allies or referees.
7. Do Not freeze your partner out with the silent treatment.
8. Leave old arguments out of the discussion and stick to the issue at hand.
9. Agree to not attack your partner in his or her most vulnerable areas.
10. Keep disagreements away from the table and out of the bedroom.
11. Agree to settle things before bedtime.
12. Call a truce when either you or your partner ask for it.
13. Pick a good time.
14. Agree to spend five minutes each day thinking positively about your partner.
15. Agree to use “I” language when addressing your partner.
16. You will agree to believe that in every decision your partner has your best interest at heart and will not purposefully harm you in any way.
17. We agree to regulate our emotional reactivity or leave the room.

Signature: _______________________________________ Date: ____________________
Signature: _______________________________________ Date: ____________________