Relationship Cancer: You Have It and Don’t Know It!

By Michael Semon

March 12, 2018

Relationship Counseling Therapist Birmingham AL

Cancer is a silent killer working its pernicious way into organs and eventually permeating the whole body. Cancer always has two characteristics: it never learns from its mistakes and it is unregulated or never tells itself no.

Will-Conflict is a vicious relationship cancer. This particular cancer has no limits and knows no boundaries once unleashed between two people. It thrives most in marital bonds, turning them into binds, yet can also manifest in professional interactions as well.

The Cause of Will-Conflict

Will-conflict is caused by two people resisting each other based on what each believes is fair. While the concept of fairness would appear to stabilize relationships keeping them together, it actually destabilizes relationships tearing them apart.
This fairness concept is fed by expectations from each persons different families growing-up. As two people interact based on what each thinks is fair, the disease slowly grows into attempts to “correct the record” and “balance the ledger.” The disease grows stronger as both people’s loyalty to fairness continues until full blown will-conflict emerges.

The Symptoms of Cancer

Relationships are dying at unprecedented rates infected by this cancer that grows silently below the surface masked as other symptoms. Most common symptoms of Will-conflict:

“We just can’t communicate.” Even insignificant conversations devolve into emotional reactivity.

Taking what your partner’s comments too personally, literally and seriously.
Assuming your partner knows what you know and should think, feel, act and react in ways that you’d think, feel, act and react reveal the budding seeds of will-conflict.

“I would have never said this or done that” is a telltale comment pointing to the developing disease.

Feelings of injustice continue the disease process and opposing positions are held more vehemently as differences threaten to undermine the relationship.

Eventually, polarization and self-protection format the relationship so completely that little to no listening, openness or understanding is even possible.

The Cure for Will-Conflict

A comprehensive reorientation to relationship is required to cure will-conflict.

Rather than allowing fairness’ tit-for-tat or quid-pro-quo to format relationships, the curative element designed to reverse will-conflict’s destructive path is the humility to receive freely and simply say, “Thank you.”

Receiving freely and as a result functioning from personal ownership and responsibility rather than obligation to another’s standard is the chemotherapy that begins the healing process.

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